I am so exhausted of thinking. You never understand exactly how much obsession can gnaw away at you until you get caught without an exit strategy. It feels like drowning, like my thoughts will simultaneously cause me to implodeexplode.
I'm tired, and you are selfish. Even in my head. I wish I could exorcise myself.

"love like ours is never fixed"

i crumble and
shatter and fall
to pieces as

you
move away and
move on
and ask me
(quite nicely)
if i am okay

your manners
impeccable-
and i fall
again and
hope against hope
against hope

but never am
i right, nor
do you ever stay
beyond formalities,
beyond placating
your  conscience

while i
cling on to
shreds of what
you will give
(or take from)
me

and

i crumble and
shatter and fall
to pieces

you were always charming
i was always foolish

run

We run from love,

run-

as the vines of fear

and reluctance thrive in

and creep up

our hearts and

cripple and maim love,

coils of hesitance choking

willingness,

because love is cruel and

hearts difficult to mend.

Better then, so much easier

to not love altogether than

go through  excruciating agony

on account of unloving.

Of undoing what was,

dismantling

what-could-have-been,

forgetting maybes

and dousing flames in hearts that

burn and break

with freezing reality

checks that leave

nothing.

They tell us that love

is all conquering,

forgetting the

pillage and pain that

love (or lack thereof)

renders on the soul.

Forgetting

that conquest is never

calm, nor is it ever peaceful.

When victory is proclaimed

there are casualties aplenty.