poem # 843402263107

This is the one
where i say i love you
for the millionth time
when inside me
there is no more
left to be broken,
when i am tired,
so tired

It makes me wonder
whether i would have
been worse off
had we held hands
more often,
had i been able to
curl up against you
as much as i wanted,
needed,
instead of cursing at
the continents and oceans
between us and
thinking up novel ways
to prove that
We were and that
i did not imagine you and
Us,especially now that
you are quite decisively
 just you
and i am making the
aching, heartbreaking
journey towards
i.

If wishes were horses

then I would recede

into nothingness,

a hole in oblivion

into empty-

turn myself outside in,

and forget

and let go.

Alt Ctrl Del,

reboot and rewire,

rewrite you out of my

heart and do away

with whatever it

is that we have 

been and become

and will be.

reclamation is 

a lie we try to believe,

because you cannot

reclaim love, nor

a heart in it. 

I feel her breathe

on you and i

taste kisses that 

are yours or hers or mine-

i can no longer tell,

and i wonder if

you thought of me.

If wishes were horses,

i would be but a speckle 

incapable of 

love and

tears,

of this.